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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Bilbo's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 6th, 2005
5:21 pm
Damn right.

You are a hoe.

You are characterized as being used by others, when in fact it is the other way around. You are secretive, especially around those you care most about. Even though you are always one take control of situations, people can sometimes bring down your self esteem. But don't worry. You have the opposite sex to make all of your dreams come true. Just don't be too dependent on your lover... he may be only using you to tend to his crops.

Most Compatible with: Toilet Paper, and Toenail.

Click here -- What Random Object Represents Your Inner Self?

oh god im bored
Monday, August 30th, 2004
1:43 pm
im in such a mood
i feel really restless

i wish i had a job so i had something to do
im so bored i keep getting upset over nothing
and stupidly jealous
tiny little things are driving me round the bend

im goin nuts
i keep having naps just to stop myself thinking stupid things
in fact im a little worked up so i think ill go for one now
then when i come to go to sleep tonight ill just be lay there getting more and more frustrated and angry at nothing


some one come here so i can beat them up
Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
10:14 pm
crazy madness

dont really know what the last thing i wrote on here was and as my computer is poorly i cant be arsed checking cos it will literally take all night

date good
very funny
some kissing
and nothing since
some texting but then he crossed a line and i got bored so thats all over with

fit guy at work became sweet again
so i love him again and have forgiven him for being weird and snippish

finished work
really sad about it now
dont know what ill do with myself tomorrow
not looking forward to it to be honest
fit guy demanded a final chat which i thought was sweet and he said it had been a pleasure which made me blush

friday night was whicked because i love my girlies
there was an incredibly beautiful boy named jonno
but no number swapping
and oh how i love him
also a crazy history teacher to get over lack of jonno

carl from work also turned up and groped my bum a lot
which was terrifying!

thanks to kate and soph for a brill time

i wrote a big speel here about 2 rather large family dramas that ocurred this weekend
but i kinda ran out of steam
so im not a happy bunny
but i guess i am now well and truly an adult
something i hoped never to admit
but there we go

responcibilites suck balls
and i hope none of you have to see what i saw
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
6:46 pm
kinda bad and good day today

emma wasnt in so the day was a little dull
fit guy at work started chatting to me
ooooooooo hes so nice
and friendly

and he went to sunderland uni
and hes been to durham loads
and he knows trevs
and hes been to planet of sound
and he was telling me loads of stuff about durham even i dont know!

shame i keep making a tit out of myself infront of him
wish i could make him laugh a bit more

but still yey for some one on one conversation!
he introduced himself properly and everything
ok so hes in love with emma but i can bask in the relfected glory!

mmmmmmmm relfected glory

note to self pulling your tongue out at random fit men is not cute, sexy or remotely attractive.
Monday, August 9th, 2004
10:14 pm
hes not a man hes a chicken boo
another hecktick weekend
there always seems to be so much drama around 5th ave
but believe me im not complaining
im lovin it
but not in a greasy macdonalds way

friday night

ooo sexy shorts guy aka jordan 2 is sooooooo fit!
but aint nothing happening there

went to sainsburys bought some wine
kate came round got ready
drank wine
sarah came round
drank more wine
stumbled onto bus
made complete fools of ourselves as sarah got a bit confused as to whether or not lisa stansfield was infact michael jacksons sister
harassed more innocent bi-standers
wandered into 5th ave
there was vodka
and a strange scottish guy
and then we were rescued by jon and patric
2 rather mighty fine young gentlemen
needless to say patric (dark dark hair and blue blue eyes, very pretty looking yet ive never met some one with such a thick mancunian accent, bit rough and ready. oh so very very attractive! *swoon* pocessive and attention seeking just the way i like them) now has my number

got proposed to by another tall dark stranger which was very nice

went home
made sarah some toast
got rung by paul who was not impressed by sarah shouting "so whens this patric guy ringing you again then?" down the phone
went to bed


rudely awoken by texts from patric
spent most of day texting him and nursing a hang over

after about 3 weeks of asking i finally agreed to go meet paul


more texts from pat
went to see paul
bit of an emotional rollercoaster

although i do find paul incredibly attractive
i dont really have any feelings for him any more
it was nice to see him and spend time with him and i hope to do it more often
but he isnt my paul any more
my paul left me last october
so its a little difficult to miss something you never really had.

beat him 2-1 at pool
ahhhhh gutted!

most shocking news of all it that i have a date on wednesday
how frightening
so obviously i woke up this morning with the hugest angriest spot next to my mouth
how rude
and the bugger is refusing to shift
oh well
emma has been shouting at me all day because im convinced that pat must have been ever so slightly rat arsed on friday and is in for a wee bit of a nasty supprise on wednesday

but as in the past week someone has whispered "i love you" to me, someones asked me out and some one else proposed to me i think im starting to enjoy my single life
and i definitely love this whole confidence melarky
so im sure positivity will follow soon

but as i havent changed that much just yet i shall inform u of my disaster of a date on thursday

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee what will i where!?

ps if anyone fancies rescuing me on weds ill be in the orange grove fallowfield from 9ish ;o)

Current Mood: surprised
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
9:20 pm
Guns dont kill people wappers do
vicki and the shit weekend

friday 5th ave
lovely company
lovely new male interest
stinky old male interest
night would have been perfect if it hadnt been for the run in with the ex which was awkward and upsetting
in all honestly id forgotten what he looked like
so it was very upsetting to realise that i still fancy the pants of him
pffff .... but appart from that i really enjoyed it
i love my girlies! yey!

was spent being very hung over
in future im not accepting so many free drinks

went on sun bed and burnt myself from head to toe
and now have an incredibly attractive lobster belly complete with white patch and mole

washed the car

argued with ex boyfriend
got upset due to guilt trip
drank a bottle of wine

sunday still feeling rough
refused to move due to burning burning pain
went to sophie and kates
lovely time

shit day of work
slipped over some spilt tea and went arse over tit just as everyone was coming in from lunch
everyone saw
so then my fcae started burning due to embarrassment
so ran into basement to hide
where the fit guy i really fancy ran up to me just to say
"i saw your attempt at break dancing before "
at which point i did actually scream noooooooooooooo in his face and ran away again

strange thing was i was listing all the horrible things that have happen to me this weekend to emma when the boy who sits infront of me rather violently swivelled round and shouted "what happened with your exboyfriend on friday!?!"
which i was a little taken aback by really
think he was just being nosy and trying to listen to me whinge in between hysterical laughs/tears
but still dont really know what to think of that though
boys are weird
he did apologise for listening in and looked a bit ashamed and having him also laugh at me about the slippage just topped the day off
well i suppose walking home in the rain with no coat and flipflops on did that really

i think this is punishment for friday when i apparantly behaved appaulingly bitchy and caused much pain

ive been utterly humilated at work and am dreading goin back and am seriously not considering taking on a few more extra days work due to shame
have i suffered enough yet?
i did do anything dreadful
afterall on guns dont kill people wappers do

Current Mood: crushed
Sunday, July 11th, 2004
8:15 pm
my mum isnt very impressed with me
i watched open range last night (bit of a soppy western but some very funny one liners)
and then went on a mass rant about how attractive kevin kostner is
i think im moving him into my top 10
she just watched the film today and told me off
"ewwww victoria hes minging" were her words
too old and bald and dirty apparantly

i think shes a little worried about the kind of guy im goin to bring home

i dont care
i like a bit of rough
oooooooo hes all dirty and stubbly and quiet and broody
arent they just the best kind?

i really do have to stop being boy obsessed

i just cant help it

some days ...... ok so its mainly nights
i want one really badly
but then most of the time im glad i dont
cos then i can waste my money on buying vest tops (topshop is making me bankrupt) and other stupid things
and i can afford the gym
and ive got time to waste on exercise videos and my nails
and trying on all my shoes
and believe me i need a lot of spare time to fit that in


now im thinking about boys ive met at work
and oh the floppy hair

god i need help
or a vibrator
either would do

Current Mood: restless
Saturday, June 26th, 2004
8:58 pm
so much has happened in the past few weeks
but in summary im still very very happy and hopeful so woohoo go positive me!

ruined my lovely outfit by drunkedly spilling crap on it
damn archers
no fucking way! i have archers in the fridge shit i forgot that


(some time later)


went to walkabout a few times
god i love geordies

almost cried
got very passionate

i cant really be arsed this but im bored
ive had a great time at uni loads of fun and im kinda sad to be back
though i am looking forward to seeing peeps like alicia etc
im just hoping my lovely assistant kate will be wanting to spend some "quality" time with me
wink wink nudge nudge
partners in crime!

seriously though
im getting desperate
its sad i know
not been single that long
but ive got a really pathetic crush that i need to kill
do u reckon the ghost busters could handle that one?
cos who u gonna call?
not him cos i physically can not look at him let alone get his number ..... though i have nicked two other peoples this week

work monday
that sucks

shopping tomorrow
to spend newly acquired tax money

and now im goin to watch a vid

Friday, June 11th, 2004
9:31 pm
i just read through my last post and the others up to where i first went to uni
when it occured to me

i havent been this happy or this full of hope in a long time

i get sad at times and kind people try to comfort me but it doesnt work because what i cant bare to tell them is that im only sad for an utterly selfish reason
my security, my confidence boost, my safety blanket whatever u may call him, is gone
and i feel vulnerable
but im happy
cos along with him went my pain and my stress and my fear
you cant be afraid of losing something you just threw away

im more afraid of him asking to come back

and whats worse than that

im afraid that my hope will fade
which it will
but i have it now
and suppose i shud just use it

i cant help but smile
and it feels so wrong
i just lost the love of my life
but my cheeks just dont feel right unless their smiling

im smiling
9:15 pm
i became single on sunday ngiht/monday morning
and was asked out by some one new on wednesday
3 days
go me

i think its maybe the busty thing
i still feel busty
i dont really know why
but im not complaining
im just praying they dont disappear as quickly as they appeared

not interested in dan dan the man who looks like he can but who really should consider trying just that little bit harder
thats a bit cruel
hes a sweet guy
just a little too plain, too straight forward
but if he calls me nice once more he's goin to get a smack in the teeth
im 19, im not nice
and im newly single im not even looking for nice
i want surprise and excitment
and flowers!
nobody ever buys me flowers!

i suppose u dont get flowers when ur single
i didnt bloody get any when i was spoken for neither

look at that ... "neither" tsh, been home barely a day and im already talking more manc (if thats possible)

alrite our kid!
im drinkin wiiiiiiiiine outsiiiiiiide in the sunshhhhiiiiiine

god i love where i live


ooooo kate kate kate kate!?! what body part should i use to get some kicked out this time?
Monday, June 7th, 2004
4:21 pm
today isnt goin to be the day where i mourn today will be the day i wore a size 12
its so sad when things end
i miss him
but not nearly as much as i thought i would

i geuss im waiting for the pain to set in
but last night and today i was just really excited
i have a new life
and im goin to make this one work
(plus i dont know why but i feel really busty today, i keep looking at them and thinking shit did i just grow them or something!?)

if i could have anything in the world i would wish for him to love me enough to work at this
but we just want different things
and i cant wait for him
i guess i told myself hed wake up one day and realise how much i mean to him
but he wont

ill miss him so much

my arms feel really empty
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
6:36 pm
The whole world smells like beef McCoys
its so wrong
5:43 pm
every day this week i have come to the same computer room with the intention of writing down what im feeling. everyday i know exactly how i want to word it and who it should be addressed too but everyday as soon as my fingers hit the keys i lose all energy and any will i had in me to explain.

i dont know what i want
i know what i should do
whats right
but i dont want to do it

i just cant say it

im so angry
and so sad
and so hurt
and so dissappointed
and so wholy unsurprized

just because you know deep down inside some one is going to do something doesnt mean that when they do it it hurts less

stop making empty promises

i dont even want to have written that sentence but because im so desperate to have written something hfter a week of trying im goin to leave it there

its about time i did something
hes not goin to change so i should
Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
5:35 pm
oh my god i just started crying in the computer room

i dont know what im doing any more

oh my god could this get any worse?!?!
i was drunk and made a complete fool of myself infront of this guy who just sat right next to me

i look like such an emotionally unstable weirdo
Thursday, May 20th, 2004
7:16 pm

exam yesterday
went ok
but knackered me out

wentr to bed at 7
wokre up at 8:45
had a couple of drinks in the bar
went to bed at about 11:45
wokr up at 8
had breakfast
bed from 8:30 til 9:30
took a nap around 11:30
had lunch mucked around
slept 3:30 til 5


how much can one person sleep in a day!?!

i ahvent done any work
the most activity ive done all day is an extremely brief game of tennis and walkign to and from the dining room


i got one of my fav jumpers covered in mysterious chocolate sauce from a stupid dessert!

i need a cuddle!
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
8:38 pm
Monday, May 17th, 2004
10:12 am
went home on thursday

The service for howard was lovely.
Very moving
it was hard to see people who you associate with being so strong be so upset

Its changed me a lot but i suppose thats only natural. a part of growing up.
i think i scared everyone when i got back to durham cos i kept making inappropriate jokes about death and know one really knew what to do with me
i guess i was trying to make everyone a little less nervous around me
now i think they're convinced ive gone mad

ive got an exam today around 2
i havent really revised
and im not nearly as worried as i should be
i just want to get them all out of the way so i can go home
ive got to much of a life at the moment to sit still
ive got things i need to do people i need to see

me and paul werent great over the last week but i suppose it was because of the stress of everything. you just cant rely on people to be an emotional crutch for you.

i dont really know what im doing anymore
very confused
dont know why im here or why i dont seem to be able to leave

i keep sighing all the time
its doing my head in
suppose mum and i will have to have another chat about university

they're coming to stay with me in a few weeks
when my exams are over and i can concentrate on truly important stuff

i have a lovely picture of howard and my family before he got sick.
when mum is here we are going to go buy a nice frame for it and present it to my aunty as a kind of gift

i think i best go now talking in the stupid way is making me sad and i have to go learn about starvation and poverty
not the happiest of subjects
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
2:17 pm
for once i have something of importance to say and so i dont feel like saying it
instead im goin to go and have a bowl of frosties supplied by the lovely joanne shears

im goin home thursday
i have an exam monday

i think im goin to struggle to get 40%
yet im still not revising

Saturday, April 24th, 2004
1:36 pm
AQA here i come

i woke up this morning with a job!
some poor sap is actually giving me a job!

so not only did i get post this morning, which is always fun, but it actually contained good news as well instead of it justing being from safeway telling me what excellent offers i could be enjoying.

so now i have to run to sainsburys to get some passport photos for my electronic security key (*raises eyebrows*)

and go pop in to Alicia's for a natter

temporary clerical assistant sounds so much more impressive then Bar staff

just dont tell anyone that it means script checker!

Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
8:16 pm

arent job interviews scary!
Went to M&S today but they want people who can start on tne 9th of May so they've given me a referal number
and yesterday i signed on with Connections who made me do a speed typing test
apparantly the minimum for a secretary is 30 and i got 45 which aint bad esp seens as i was cacking my pants!

on the food theme
i had artic roll for desert today
that was exciting
i havent had it for years

if any one is interested ill be in paramount for most of tomorrow night if u fancy popping in for a drink. i dont no where the night may take us but probably some where cheesy.

Durham on Sunday
mixed feelings about it. we'll see how i go
dont no if i'll pass the year any way as i have done literally no revision which is scary
still only 40% needed *crosses fingers*
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